Placeholder text taken from The IT Crowd

You mean 999. Yes, yes, I mean 999! Yeah, I know. That's the American one, you berk! No, no there you go, no there you go. I just heard it come on. Oh really? Then why don't you come down and make me then. I'm a 32 year old IT-man who works in a basement. Yes, I do the whole Lonely Hearts thing! Unbelievable! Some idiot disabled his firewall, meaning all the computers on Seven are teeming with viruses, plus I've just had to walk all the way down the motherfudging stairs, because the lifts are broken AGAIN! Uh... okay, well, the button on the side, is it glowing? It's my term for my time of the month. Oh. What time of the month? The weekend?

Dear Sir stroke Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire which has broken out at the premises of... OK. Moss, what did you have for breakfast this morning? Smarties cereal. So, remember the new number! 0118 999! 88199, 9119 725! ... 3! You can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for you! [slams down phone] That told her! We don't need no education. Yes you do. You've just used a double negative. Nicer ambulances, faster response times and better looking drivers mean they're not just the Emergency Services, they're your Emergency Services. You know, it's high tide. But we're not on the coast. I'm closed for maintenance! Closed for maintenance? I've fallen to the communists! Well, they do have some strong arguments.

Yeah, you do know how a button works don't you? No, not on clothes. Unbelievable! Some idiot disabled his firewall, meaning all the computers on Seven are teeming with viruses, plus I've just had to walk all the way down the motherfudging stairs, because the lifts are broken AGAIN! Carrie, Moss! First scene in Carrie! Oh. Okay Oh my God. I didn't even know Smarties made a cereal. They don't. It's just Smarties in a bowl with milk. You know, it's high tide. But we're not on the coast. I'm closed for maintenance! Closed for maintenance? I've fallen to the communists! Well, they do have some strong arguments. No, no there you go, no there you go. I just heard it come on. A story of a young man trying to find his sexuality in the uncaring Thatcher years. Warning: Contains scenes of graphic homoeroticism.

You mean 999. Yes, yes, I mean 999! Yeah, I know. That's the American one, you berk! No, no there you go, no there you go. I just heard it come on. I'm going to murder you... You bloody woman! Well that's easy to remember. 0118 999 88199 9119 725! ... 3! You can come down here any time and I'll be waiting for you! [slams down phone] That told her! I am a man, he's a man, we're men! Ok, tell me how your feeling. I feel delicate... and annoyed, and... I think I'm ugly. I'm going to murder you... You bloody woman!

They just toss us away like yesterday's jam. Yes! If there were such a thing as a drudgeon, that is what we'd be to them. I've got Aunt Irma visiting. Oh, do you not like Aunt Irma? I've got an aunt like that. I am a man, he's a man, we're men! Ok, tell me how your feeling. I feel delicate... and annoyed, and... I think I'm ugly. 0115... no... 0118... no... 0118 999 ... 3. Hello? Is this the emergency services? Then which country am I speaking to? Hello? Hello? You're not comfortable with your sexuality? Oh, I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, I just don't want to be slapped in the face with their sexuality. While he was eating, did you hear anyone laughing? Like... in the kitchen area? Yes! Yes I did, actually, yes I did. That'd be trouser food!

I am a man, he's a man, we're men! Ok, tell me how your feeling. I feel delicate... and annoyed, and... I think I'm ugly. It's like they're pally-wally with us when there's a problem with their printer, but once it's fixed... How long have you been disabled? Ten years? Ten years, and how did it happen? If that's not a rude question. Acid? Unbelievable! Some idiot disabled his firewall, meaning all the computers on Seven are teeming with viruses, plus I've just had to walk all the way down the motherfudging stairs, because the lifts are broken AGAIN! I am a man, he's a man, we're men! Ok, tell me how your feeling. I feel delicate... and annoyed, and... I think I'm ugly. Yes! Yesterday's jam. That is what we are to them!... Actually, that doesn't work, as a thing, because, you know, jam lasts for ages. So, remember the new number! 0118 999! 88199, 9119 725! ... 3!

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